My heart is breaking. When we decided to move to Rangely, we knew it was the right decision. We prayed about it and felt like it was the right decision for our family. Well, if it's the right decision, things are supposed to fall into place, right? WRONG! It's not that things haven't worked out. The problem is that I am a worrier. I worry over everything and it drives me crazy. I almost can't stand being in my own skin when I feel like I do now.
Our house has been on the market for about a month. Not a terribly long time, but we have a time crunch here! Eight people have come to look at it, and we have gotten one offer, which we turned down because we just couldn't even work with it. I will admit, our house needs a little work on the inside. The outside looks good, but it could use some new flooring, and when people buy a house, they want it to look good!
I am so bummed because I talked to a local contractor the other day, and he said instead of taking a really low offer we ought to re-do the kitchen and flooring, then up the price significantly. While this sounds like a good idea because we will probably make some extra money on the house, it really makes me sad. If we did that it would mean Chris and I would be separated. He would go work in Rangely, and I would stay here with the kids to sell the house. When I even so much as think of the words, my eyes well up with tears. I never wanted to be a single parent. I know how hard it is. I was raised my a single mother. I see moms struggle everyday in raising their kids by themselves. I honestly don't know if I can do it. Then the thought of Chris traveling that long drive by himself scares me too. There is a mountain overpass, and it really freaks me out. I didn't sign up for this!
We have prayed and fasted and gone to the temple. I know Heavenly Father is mindful of us. I know He can see the eternal perspective. I know I will look back at this and it will be a small wrinkle in my life. I know there are others out there who would be grateful if their worst worry was selling a house. But at the same time my stomach is in knots all day long. I am constantly in a state of worry and anxiety, and just to warn you, don't ask me about it if you see me because I break down at the drop of a hat.
